WTF (What the Food) Straws Edition

Apparently North American children are unable to drink milk unless it is flavoured, but what do you do when your fat child is bored of drinking chocolate milk?  Not to worry, Oreo sippers and Sip-Ahh straws will come to the rescue for your picky-porker.

I had my sister (and chocolate milk connoisseur), help me with this edition of WTF and we came to a consensus regarding the new fad for milk-flavouring straws.

This is also a good opportunity to point out that in Canadia milk comes in bags.  This is weird to a lot of people, but I don’t remember it ever being different – it’s also pretty green since you cut down packaging.

Oreo Sippers and Sip-Ahh Straws

Ease 3.5/5 – In theory this should be easy, you pour milk into a glass and drink it through a straw.  In practice there is a major flaw with each product: Oreo sippers are so wide that it’s like drinking out of a snorkel – this leads to the unpleasant experience of having milk forcefully hit you in the back of the throat – delicious.  Sip-Ahh straws, on the other hand, are too narrow and the chocolate beads become clumped together, requiring you to apply the sucking power of a Dyson hoover in order to get a drop of chocolate milk.

Colour 4/5 – Not much to say here – the Oreo Sippers are black and white – the Sip-Ahhs could be darker… they looked a little too chalky.

Texture 3/5 – The Oreos Sippers do not hold up well in milk.  After a couple of minutes they are soft and pretty gross to eat.

Smacked in the back of the throat by poorly flavoured milk

Flavour 2/5 – On both accounts flavour is lacking greatly.  Sip-Ahhs fail to turn the milk chocolaty and Oreo Straws don’t taste like much of anything until you bite into them – if you do this before they sit in the milk for more than a minute then you’re in luck: but that’s not what they’re intended for… if i want to eat an Oreo I would grab a cookie, but dammit I wanted Oreo-flavoured milk through a cookie straw! My sister’s critique: ‘Both of these taste like crap’.

Resemblance to packaging 4/5 – Oreos fair very well, but where is the pole-dancing cow from the Sip-Ahhs package?

These straws represent everything that is wrong with children today.  Enough said.


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