WTF (What the Food!) Cool Whip Edition

Cool Whip is definitely an element of food-culture that does not travel well from North America to Europe. It is essentially a long-life artificial whipped cream that can be frozen and defrosted without altering its texture.  According to a Wired Magazine piece on Cool Whip, it is double the price of whipped cream and contains mostly water, air, sugar, wax and condom lubricant (brings a whole new meaning to dessert topping).  Dig in!

Cool Whip

Ease 5/5 – Open, insert spoon, plop onto pie.  None of that painstaking, time consuming, calorie burning whisking to slow down dessert.

Colour 4/5 – Not white, like whipped cream would be, more like an off-white.  Somewhat like vanilla ice-cream, not offensive, but kind of odd.

Texture 3/5 – I know that this is whipped.  Your mouth can feel that this is whipped.  Unfortunately all of this aeration doesn’t result in something that is creamy or nice on the tongue; it feels like a dense, stabilised foam – which, I think, is a pretty damned accurate description.  Doesn’t really melt in your mouth but rather collapses.

Flavour 4/5 – It tastes sweet.  It doesn’t really have much beyond that.  High fructose corn syrup, palm kernel oil and coconut oil are the main ingredients – I haven’t eaten enough palm kernel oil to know it when I taste it, so who knows.

Resemblance to packaging 1/5 – You fail, Kraft.  Unless you were to whip the container’s contents (which you’re not going to, because it defeats the purpose of a ready whipped topping) and dispense from a piping bag, you are never going to get Cool Whip to look like the packaging.

In my vast experience with Cool Whip I have never really given much thought to the actual ingredients until today.  I see the appeal, it’s pre-made and sweet, it comes in lower calorie versions, it would have been a house-wife’s dream in the 60’s, but do you really want to eat something that is full of chemicals and delivers a sub-par gastronomical experience for the sake of saving 5 minutes of whisking and the hassle of washing up?  If so, to each their own, but I will always choose real whipped cream.  Every time.

– Ryan

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6 responses to “WTF (What the Food!) Cool Whip Edition

  1. Can you do miracle whip next please?

  2. I forgot about miracle whip.. Shall I do the terrifying low fat version?

  3. Whichever you prefer! Wikipedia tells me that Miracle Whips’s largest following is in Canada, so you are just the man for the job.

    Also, can we take a moment to appreciate that someone came to the blog after searching for “cool whip in a piping bag”.

  4. Pingback: Happy birthday « I can has cheezcloth?

  5. What a fantastic way to stumble upon our blog!

  6. Pingback: WTF (What the Food!) Handi-Snacks Edition « I can has cheezcloth?

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